


Cold As Ice

by AuthorLoremIpsum



Series: Lodger Stories [1]
Category: The Glass Scientists (Webcomic)
Genre: Anxiety, Gen, Loneliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2019-01-09 14:39:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12278589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuthorLoremIpsum/pseuds/AuthorLoremIpsum
Summary: If you want advice, or someone to talk to, you go to talk with Virginia Ito. They know this, the Society knows this, and it weighs heavy on their heart. Is that all they’re good for?





	Cold As Ice

The healthiest way to deal with stress, of any kind, is to talk it out with someone. Worried about a crush? A friend? An experiment? A secret? Find someone you can trust who will listen, for everything is easier when you have a friend.

The best of friends will be honest with you, point out your flaws, but love you regardless and help you to grow from them. 

Virginia Ito felt as if they had no such friends. 

The idea was idiotic, for they were the one who held the many laments of the other Lodgers. Many a time a distraught fellow had joined them in the lab and sat at their workbench, complaining about their crushes, about failed experiments, about worrying their futures were to be hunted as witches. Sometimes they came to gossip, to talk about the latest theory of who Hyde was to Ito’s mentor, Dr. Jekyll, about the betting pool surrounding an acquaintance's virginity, or perhaps about the horrible play of the month going on in the theater across the road.

By everyone else’s concern, Ito was a friend to many of the Lodgers, despite how their cold attitude and brunt honesty seemed to push others away at times. 

To Ito however, it felt like they weren’t a very good friend, and that they didn’t have any good friends.

Again, it felt idiotic and selfish, but when Archer did his rounds looking for others to take out on the town, visit a few pubs and buy some drinks, he never seemed inclined to drop by the chemistry lab and check for Virginia. When Doddle had new sweets he wanted to try, Virginia was the first he came to, not because he thought of them first, but because he wanted a very honest critique. Griffin came by every so often, not to visit, but to ask advice about what chemicals to try in a new mixture for his invisibility serum.

Advice, honesty, a cold shoulder to cry on, as if that’s all they felt they were.

Rachel came by each day to make sure Virginia was eating the food brought, however, she never came just to say hi. Those small visits though of almost matronly concern, though Ito seemed to brush them off in the moment, meant a lot to her. 

And though they wouldn’t dare admit it, for they were surrounded by people who cared, by those who were curious of their work, Virginia Ito felt lonely.

It hadn’t been an immediate realization either, their welcome in the new Society for Arcane Sciences was small because no one was there at the time. Then, they hadn’t been lonely because the Society was small and close knit, if the others wanted to speak about something casual or sought company, there were few others to spend time with. Perhaps that was where this isolation came from, Virginia seeking to be alone and continue working those evenings away, for nowadays it seemed no one sought them.

The loneliness had become obvious when they saw relationships, romantic and platonic, begin to blossom amongst their fellows. It was a cold feeling that crept in around their heart like frost, making an empty sort of home there that sometimes crawled up in their throat and made their words bitter. Instead of being happy for the others, they felt envious, and that was irritating enough alone if it hadn’t brought on the slow realization that there was no one who was going to feel the same for them.

Nothing romantic, nothing platonic.

Simply because weren’t that close to anyone, it seemed.

Sure Ito had secrets from almost every Lodger, and she’d written them down, in code of course, so she wouldn’t forget them. It felt crucial to hold onto those secrets, new, old, irrelevant, because forgetting them seemed like a betrayal of the trust that had been put in them. But what use were secrets when you felt you couldn’t tell anyone yours?

The Society was full of gossips of the worst kind, the walls themselves had ears and secret passages, perfect for spying. How could they know who wouldn’t tell? If the worst were to happen, no one would know what to do with Ito’s legacy, hell, only Jekyll would know most of it, and he was unlikely to talk.

Even he could not truly be considered a friend, he was their mentor and even then spent more time out in the world than with Ito. Their lessons were long and Ito looked forward to them, but when they were over, the cold feeling crept back in.

And they would be alone again.

Often, Ito wanted to go find someone to talk to, Maijabi, perhaps Cantilupe, Doddle seemed kind, but how would one broach the topic? Would one merely ask to chat? Or simply wait for them to start a conversation?

Well, there was another answer for the isolation, they had no idea how to start a conversation without planning.

_ Extensive  _ planning.

Doddle, Doddle would listen, the man was a bucket of smiles and sugar, if anyone were going to lift one’s spirits, it’d be him. Ito knew he too had his bouts of sadness, for he’d come to talk at their tableside before, but they also trusted him to listen. Perhaps, perhaps he could help with this especially cold feeling that had come from this cascade of thoughts. 

So, after they finished a lab report concerning their progress on the “Philosopher’s Stone” recipe early an ordinary afternoon, Virginia stood, pulled off their smock and gloves, and left the chemistry lab.

It was midafternoon, the Society was as lively as it was going to get until late,  _ late  _ in the evening. The corridor to the confectionery kitchen was surprisingly empty however, though it smelled sweet of fruits and cinnamon sugar, both scents that reminded Virginia of their childhood. It was a pleasant change from the acrid stenches of melted metal and chemical smoke, and the coldness in Virginia’s chest lifted at the prospect of some company.

They heard voices as they approached the kitchen door, pausing to listen lest they interupt something important. To their distaste, they heard their name.

“Do you think someone’s hurt Virginia? They seem, snappier than usual,” said a voice, sounding like Sinnett. A metal tray was set down, followed by a new, sugary smell before Doddle spoke. “Well, I do believe she would have spoken up if that were the case, she’s so honest, and the news would have spread like wildfire you know.”

“But she’s  _ always  _ snappy, that’s one of her, defining traits,” Luckett’s voice said, implying he was leaning next to the door. “Y’know, beyond the brutal honesty and rudeness.”

“She’s not  _ rude _ ,” Sinnett said sharply. He hesitated before continuing, and his tone of voice suggested Luckett was giving him a suspicious look. “She’s just,  _ very _ honest. Not that it’s a bad thing either! Some of us need to be told when we’re being idiots.” 

“Yes but she doesn’t seem realize when she’s crossed the boundary from brutal honest to cold cruelty,” Luckett mused. Ito’s hands balled into fists and they felt something prick in their eyes, but they listened still.

“Now Luckett! That’s no way to talk about our friend,” Doddle scolded lightheartedly, as if he didn’t want to hurt Luckett’s feelings by telling him off. 

Luckett sighed audibly, “A friend? You’d call her a friend? We barely know anything about her beyond what Jekyll has told us, and that’s merely because she is his apprentice. She never speaks with anyone outside of work, or when one goes to see her, and even when you spill your secrets to her she just tells you to shoulder up and carry on! Little to no remorse!”

“That’s simply how she shows sympathy,” Doddle stated, sounding like he was frowning in a fatherly manner. “Unlike most of you, maybe her past isn’t something of conversation.”

“Yes but  _ never  _ talking is something of suspicion,” Luckett said, a shrug in his voice. “Why do you think no one wants to invite them out these days?” 

That was it.

Ito choked down a sob and ran, not caring if the others heard them leaving, because it hurt. It hurt knowing that nobody wanted to invite them out, it hurt knowing that the Lodgers didn’t think they cared, and it hurt a lot worse knowing that they had been minutes, maybe seconds, away from changing that. Someone called out to them but they didn’t slow, hiking up their skirt and running up the two flights of stairs to their room where they slammed the door behind.

Slowly, they sank to the ground, making sure to lock the door before covering their face and crying.

Surrounded by enough people to make a family, keeper of enough secrets to fill a vault, and they were lonely. No one thought of them as a friend, as someone to invite out, did the others even think of them beyond what they needed? Did only Jekyll think of them in a friendly manner, and only because he was their mentor? How many of the others thought of them the way Luckett had described? Did they all think that way?

Had Virginia done this to themself by staying silent and keeping busy?

Sobs wracked their frame as their thoughts spiralled into darkness and misery, they didn’t care how loud they were crying or if they could be heard because god  _ damn  _ it hurt. And hell, if the whole rest of the Society really thought they had no remorse and didn’t care what Ito felt, they wouldn’t care they were crying, and leave them alone.

Like they apparently deserved to be.

A long minute passed before Virginia could catch their breath, feeling it hitch in their throat with fresh sobs, despite how they tried to fight it.

And then, a knock.

The first knock they ignored, until it was followed by a few gentle other ones and a voice. “Virginia? Are you alright?” Sinnett’s voice, gentle, worried. Those three must’ve followed after seeing Ito run. They looked up at the door and sniffled, scrubbing their face before standing and turning to face it.

“I’m fine,” they lied, leaning close to the wood.

“Really? Because it sounded like you were crying,” said Luckett’s voice. Someone elbowed him and Doddle spoke, “Virginia, please, open the door. What’s wrong? Are you sure you’re quite alright?”

Again, their voice choked in their throat, should they say? Could they say? Could they trust these others to keep it secret? How long before everyone else knew that the stoic Virginia Ito was brought to tears by their own loneliness?

They blinked back new tears and said: “No, really, I’m fine. I just, need some time. It’s nothing really.”

Silence, probably full of concerned looks between the men on the other side of the door.

Eventually Doddle said: “If you say so. Luckett and I will be downstairs, come speak with me if you want to, alright?”

“If you say so,” Virginia mumbled, wiping a few stray tears from their cheeks. 

Two steps of footsteps walked from the other side of the door, but the floor creaked in such a way that hinted someone was still standing on the squeaky floorboard outside, rocking back and forth on their feet as Ito had doon before. They sniffled and said: “Please, just go, I need some time alone.”

“Miss Ito, if I’m frank, you spend an awful lot of time alone,” Sinnett’s voice said from the other side. He must’ve leaned against the doorframe, because his voice got closer. “I know I did the same, when I felt I was a threat to those around me, but you’re one of the most patient and kind hearted people I know, what reason do you have to hide away?”

“Kind, hearted?” Virginia repeated, a bit stunned. 

“Yup, you listen to everyone, that takes a big heart,” the pyrologist remarked, sounding like he was smiling a little. He stood normally and tried the doorknob, “Virginia, you don’t usually talk to people, I, do, do you need someone to listen to you?” 

Ito backed away from the door, as if afraid what they would do, but giving up, they turned the lock and opened the door. Sinnett was quick about it, stepping into the room and shutting the door before anyone else could see Virginia’s tear streaked face. His expression became soft upon seeing it himself, “Oh Lord, Virginia, what’s wrong? Are you alright?”

“I, I just-” the words choked in their throat but they forced themself to nearly shout: “My heart isn’t made of ice and I’m tired of being ignored!” They covered their face, trying desperately not to start sobbing in front of the pyrologist.

“Ito, how, who, no! Who said you were being ignored?” Sinnett asked, reaching out, and hesitating. His action suggested he wanted to hug them, but what caused him to stop?

“No one said it!” they snapped, face twisting in anger. “But even  _ now,  _ at my lowest, I’m intimidating you! No one knows when I’m hurt because they’re either too afraid to talk to me unless they want criticism or want me to keep a secret or I push them away because I don’t know when I’m being too honest and even to the doctor I’m only his student and I feel like there’s no one here I can talk to and-” a sob silenced her words and so they stopped talking, trying furiously to dry their face and keep from breaking down again.

When suddenly, a hand took their shoulder and pulled them into a hug.

Ito froze, utterly stunned at the tightness and warmth of the hug, of the smell of smoke that clung to Sinnett’s shirt, of the ticking coming from his metal arm as it lay across their back.They sniffed once, and crumbled, burying their face in his shoulder and forgetting to be quiet again.

It still hurt, it hurt as bitterly as it had before, even worse now that their stoic facade had been so utterly crumbled in front of a colleague, but it also felt better. What they’d craved, that desire to be wanted, to be a friend, this might not have been it but it was a step in the right direction.

No, no damn that! Damn that thought! This  _ was _ friendship, camaraderie, who else would be there when one was brought to their knees but a friend? Unless they were an incredibly talented liar, it would be hard to pull of such a deceit. Sinnett, at least right  _ now _ , was a friend.

Ito returned the hug they’d been given, practically clinging to the kind pyrologist as the sobs finally began to peter out. He didn’t say anything, but rubbed gentle circles into their back until they were finally able to get their breathing under control. And even then, he didn’t let go until Virginia did.

“Feeling better?” he asked softly, still sounding worried. When Virginia met his eye, they could see his cheeks were also wet with tears, though he quickly dried them with an equally dry chuckle. “Forgive me, I uh, I-”

“It’s alright,” they answered softly, clearing their throat of a lump. They lowered their eyes and folded their arms, “Listen, Anthony, I appreciate what you’ve done for me but, I-I’d appreciate it if word of this didn’t, get out.”

“You,  _ want _ people to remain intimidated by you and your, stoic attitude?” Sinnett asked, frowning a little. Virginia sighed heavily, tried to speak, and sighed again having no words to say, Sinnett put a hand on their shoulder, “I, I won’t tell anyone what upset you, but if someone does ask I’ll tell them you were, uh…”

“Frustrated over an experiment,” they suggested, looking at him with a tired, slightly teary smile. He was right, if people were to start seeing them as approachable, they had to stop bottling everything up and hiding it away. But where to go from here?

They blinked the tears away again, “I… What should I do? To get rid of this, stupid, self-induced loneliness?”

Sinnett was probably shocked to hear them ask that, for what advice did  _ he  _ have to give? He wasn’t an incredibly social person himself, but he was indeed more noticeably friendly with their fellow lodgers, and they with him. He thought about it and then answered Ito: “How about, you come out with me, Helsby, Mosley, Lavender and Archer tonight, for drinks? It, might be a good place to start. Then maybe, join the rest of us for breakfast tomorrow?”

That was what they’d craved wasn’t it? To join their fellow Lodgers in,  _ something  _ beyond work? Then why was their first reaction to say no and do something on her own? Damn habits, introversion wasn’t always what was wanted!

So they pushed past that, looking forward to just being human with them, as ridiculous as it sounded. “Yes, absolutely, I’d love to come out with all of you. And, and thank you, Anthony, for everything. I’m sorry I-”

“Don’t be!” Sinnett cracked a smile, “I may be better with the physics of fire, but even I know that humans are social creatures. Are you, going to be okay if I go back to work?”

Virginia nodded, sniffling and smiling at him, despite the small, occasional tears that slipped down their cheeks.

He bid them farewell until that night, complete with one more hug just to make sure they were alright, before he turned and walked from the room, gently shutting the door behind. Ito sighed, wearing a small happy smile as their eyes continued to sting with tears. This time though, they were happy tears.

Tears brought from a warm sort of feeling that hummed in their chest, not love in the romantic sense, but another kind of love. The exact feeling they’d been missing, and wanting.

Because if Sinnett, who they hadn’t spoken to very much, who had little to no reason to care for them, did. Whose word was it that said the others didn’t too?

The feeling of being a friend, and knowing there were friends who cared, felt better than anything else right then, and Ito realized just how much they’d missed it.

**Author's Note:**

> I was crying really, REALLY hard when I finished writing this, guess it struck a little close to home for me.  
> To all of you guys who feel totally alone, keep in mind that there's someone there for you, just keep an eye out.


End file.
